A danger I have observed over the years of two young people meeting and marrying while still in Bible college.
- Character may be nothing more than Compliance.Within the Bible college environment, it is easy for a young lady to believe that her future husband is a man of great character because his bed is always made, his room is always clean, he’s on time for meals, etc. In reality, he may just be a compliant man. The only reason his bed is made, his room is neat, and he’s on time to meals and services is that he will get demerits for not doing these things.
What happens when he is no longer under the oversight of the school administration? She needs to determine the depth/reality of his character when demerits are not a factor. How does he conduct himself when no one is holding him accountable. Does he pay his bills on time, is he responsible with his possessions, is he prompt and presentable simply because it is right, and because his has depth of character?
- Conviction may be nothing more than Compliance.He may be dressing right, listening to the right music, avoiding ungodly shows, using the right Bible, and avoiding wrong environments, not because it is a Biblical conviction of his heart, but again, simply complying with school rules.
It is very important that a young lady, or a young man, determine that their future spouse has heart convictions that are grounded solely on the Word of God. It may take some time, outside of the schools “umbrella” for this to be determined.
- Compassion may be nothing more than Compliance.The same principle applies here as mentioned above. His soul winning and ministry may be nothing more that simply working “with the program” and fulfilling the ministry requirements that the Bible college requires.
His bus ministry may not be a genuine burden for children and families in desperate need of Christ. His involvement in prayer meetings, evangelistic outreaches, Sunday school teaching, etc. must be more than something he “has to do” to stay in this school.
The lesson here is that finding the right man/woman to marry requires a tremendous amount of prayer, time, communication, observation, and involvement. Meet his/her family. Take note how he treats his parents, how he takes care of his vehicle, room, and possessions. Pay close attention to how he/she handles money. Take note of his service to the Lord – is he faithful to prayer meeting, is he a genuine soul winner, is he consistent and unchanging in his convictions – not in the confines of the school requirements, but out in the “real” world? How does he behave when he answers to no one but God.
Proverbs 19:14, “House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife [and husband] is from the LORD.” Ask God to direct you and introduce you to the one He has for you. Trust His leadership. When God says “no,” trust Him. When that one is for real, and God says, “yes,” rejoice in His leadership.
By the way, be sure that YOU are for real. Don’t get so concerned that he/she is all they should be that you fail to be the person you are supposed to be.